


Life Itself (Kim Taehyung x Reader)

by JustMattie



Category: K-pop, Kim Taehyung - Fandom, V - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Comedy, Denial, Love, Other, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2018-12-08 17:06:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 17,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11650968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustMattie/pseuds/JustMattie
Summary: in which you become accidentally tangled up in the life of kim taehyung, effectively flipping yours upside down.





	1. Preface

"Talk to me. How're you feeling these days," Taehyung asked suddenly, catching you off guard. 

"Why do you ask?"

"I just realized I haven't even been there for you at all. Not since you found out about... you know," he says quietly.

"It's been my turn to take care of you, Tae. It's okay," you reassured him. 

"But Y/N, you didn't answer the question. How are you feeling?" he pressed. However, you didn't want to confront your feelings, much less confess them to him. You didn't want to make him feel worse. You didn't now what him to know that you felt sad again, and it was because of him.

"Y/N?"

"I'm okay," you said simply.

"No, you aren't. Why are you lying? I thought we were past lying," he seemd upset then, hurt contorting his face.

"I don't want you to be worrying about me. You have enough to deal with right now," you insisted, taking your eyes off of him. You didn't want to see his sad expressions any longer. 

"Is there a reason I should be worried?" he exclaimed, worry and anxiety lining his voice .

"That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean then, Y/N? Hey, look at me," Taehyung said angrily now, obviously growing frustrated with your lack of meaningful replies. 

You shifted your eyes back up at him, realizing that he looked like he was yet again about to cry. Great.

"It's because of me, isn't it?" he whispered, finally putting all of the pieces together. You nodded curtly, unable to form a decent response.


	2. important information + reading playlist

Please read this in its entirety:

 

1\. This is an AU. Tae is not apart of Bangtan; Bangtan does not exist. However, there may be appearances from other members from time to time. 

2\. In this story, Tae has an older brother rather than a younger one. Please don't leave me a comment correcting me on small things like this, as I likely wrote them this way on purpose for the story to work. 

3\. This story does deal with some themes of physical illness and death; it's not like crazy intense or anything. if i feel that maybe a chapter should have a warning, there will be one at the beginning of it. 

4\. There is no update schedule for this book, however I will try to be as prompt as I can. My Min Yoongi x Reader (Bad For Me) is already completed at 60,000 words if you'd like something to read in the meantime. 

5\. Thank you so much for clicking and deciding to read this book!! I really appreciate all of the support I've gotten on my previous works, and this one as well. Below is the reading playlist for this story, compiled of songs that I either listened to while writing, or that I think compliment the story. Make a playlist and listen along if you'd like, or play whatever song is embedded into the chapters as I post them. Or don't listen at all; it's completely up to you :D

 

reading playlist:

1\. the beach - the neighbourhood

2\. do it, try it- m83

3\. come a little closer- cage the elephant

4\. shooting the moon- ok go

5\. speak up- pop etc

6\. sirens- tom odell

7\. thieves- the beach

8\. bloom- the paper kites

9\. isle of flightless birds- twenty one pilots

10\. release- imagine dragons

11\. falling- opia

12\. given the chance- the kite string tangle

13\. tomorrow- bts

14\. walk on memories- exo

15\. fireside- the arctic monkeys

16\. youth- glass animals

17\. i never knew you- the avett brothers

18\. i do not love you- ron pope

19\. sweet disposition- the temper trap

20\. somewhere only we know- keane

21\. the river- imagine dragons

22\. oblivion- bastille

23\. soldier on- the temper trap

24\. coffee- bts

25\. your precious world is enough- the new faces


	3. seasons cease to change

[Your POV]

You woke just slightly before your alarm was supposed to sound. It was six forty-four when your eyes opened, and you anxiously shot up in bed.

Eyes open, new beginning.

The first day of school was always the most dreaded day of the year for you, and that remained true for today. Every school year was an opportunity for a new start, but somehow, everything always turned out the same; go to school, hang out with friends that are fake and talk behind your back, date a jerk or two, and then come home. It was the same cycle every single year, and you could never find a way to break it. Perhaps it was all due to your inability to go outside of your comfort zone. Perhaps it was simply the people in your school that held you back. Perhaps you were just afraid. You didn't know. You just knew that you were stuck.

You left your bed with extreme reluctance that morning, the first day of senior year. You fixed your hair, applied high-end makeup, dressed in expensive clothes. Those material things kept you popular, and allowed you to have an occasional ego boost. But, that happiness was fleeting, and it often left you feeling empty. Regardless, you did your best to hold your head high, and to act like somebody that was completely confident; somebody who wasn't really you.

Upon making it downstairs to grab your bag and leave, you found a sticky note stuck to the side of your back.

Come home straight after school today – mom says we have guests coming over ~Clay

You removed the sticky note and crumpled it up as you sighed. Your mother was always having various people over from the school's PTO, or her work friends, or old school friends. Any other day, you probably wouldn't have minded, but today, the last thing you wanted after a long first day of school was to have to come home and continue to be happy and fake. But, at least Clay would be there too, and hopefully it would defer some of the attention and prying away from you.

Clay was 25, and in his second year of medical school, striving to be a Doctor. He was back living at home in order to save some money as he worked toward his degree, not having any time to work on the side to help pay for rent on an apartment. And while your family had plenty of money to cover these living expenses for him, Clay insisted that he felt better to move home like many other students did, rather than taking a bunch of hand-outs. And that, you had great respect for.

He had been a model student all throughout high school and University, and he was always a point of bragging for your parents to their friends. Your father and mother were both guilty of putting him on a pedestal, which was generally annoying. However, Clay himself was humble, and the two of you shared a rather close relationship. And thanks to him, you didn't fail Honors Biology last year.

You listened to your music louder than usual on the way to school that morning. It was the easiest way to drown out your thoughts, filling the silence with expressive lyrics that sometimes reflected your feelings, and other times did not.

The parking lot crowded with cars that were unfamiliar to you; new students enrolling, or perhaps new cars for repeat students that Daddy's money paid for. There was a clear divide between wealthy and not in the parking lot, and it was obvious who was on each side of the line. 

A few of your friends were near the largest tree on campus, close to where your car was parked. They huddled together as they smiled and laughed, likely gossiping about other people passing by. You took a deep breath, swinging a strap of your backpack over your shoulder as you began to approach them. They were the type of friends that you were always on thin ice with, always walking on eggshells around. They would turn on each other and be mad at each other at the drop of a hat; quick to build each other up, and just as quick to tear each other down. It was a toxic and vicious cycle, one that was unfortunately common among conceited high school students. They weren't people that you really wanted as your friend, but they definitely weren't people that you wanted as your enemies either. It was yet another part of your life that you were stuck in.

"Hey girls," you greeted them. They greeted you curtly in return before resuming their gossiping and giggling.

"I heard Jeremy got kicked out of Buckner because he got caught plagiarizing on all of his final exams," Kennedy allowed, flipping her hair over her shoulder. She was on the shorter said, dark-headed, and a face littered with freckles. She was notorious for always being up to date on gossip concerning those from other schools.

"Really? Isn't he the one who dated Clarissa last term?" Mallory inquired, confusion lining her voice. She was one of the least confrontational in the group, but that didn't make her any less dangerous than the others. She was a snake, striking when you least expected it.

"No, that was Ricky who dated Clarissa."

"Then who's Jeremy?'

You zoned out then, not wanting to participate in the rude taunting of other students that they were all partaking in. Your eyes scanned the parking lot absentmindedly, observing the other students that were gradually arriving.

Your eyes landed on a particularly unfamiliar person who was standing in the left front corner of the lot, just a few yards away from you. He was leaning up against the front of a red Jeep, eyes closed, white headphones in both of his ears. He was swaying slightly, quietly singing along to whatever he was listening to as he reached to pull the hood of his blue hoodie up over his head. He wasn't being extremely loud, but it was enough for you to tell that he was doing more than lip-syncing. And he sounded good.

Those passing him by were tossing over rude looks and curious glances, and you continued to stare, biting your lip as you did so. You had never seen him before, and it appeared as if no one else had ever seen him before either. He had a lot of nerve to show up at a new school and call so much attention to himself. But in some strange way, you couldn't help but feel a mild sense of respect for his bravery. You wished you had enough self-confidence to put yourself out there in such a blatant manner.

"What are you looking at?" Mallory asked you, the other two girls now looking at you and following your obvious gaze.

"Oh, nothing, I was just-"You lied as you were pulled out of your wandering and spiraling thoughts.

"Were you looking at that guy who's singing?" Sage was the one to ask the next question. She was probably the most hostile one in the group. She loved to start drama, to backstab, to lie, anything that would bring the eyes of others upon her. She had a love affair with basking in negative attention.

"No, I just zoned out for a second, that's all," you lied again, offering a fake smile.

Sage nodded, seeming satisfied with your lie, "Good, because he seems like a freak. Must be new around here...Let's freeze him out, yeah? Spread the word," Sage ordered to others who nodded in agreement.

You sighed quietly and glanced back over the boy who seemed perfectly content and off in his own world. You felt a rush of sympathy for the boy as you figured he was about to have a very rough first day of school. He was going to be shunned for being a little bit different, and even though you didn't agree with treating people that way, you knew that arguing with Sage wouldn't do you any good, and it wouldn't make a difference. You'd practically be digging your own grave. So, you kept your mouth shut, and wished the best for him.

The bell rang, causing the copious amounts of students that were congregating outside to begin migrated towards the front doors.

"Let's go," Mallory said, and you reluctantly turned, beginning to follow them on the way to the doors along with everybody else.

It was only eight in the morning on the first day of school, and you were already exhausted, and anticipating the day that graduation would come.

/////

You played your music even louder throughout the car ride home than you did on the way there. The first day had left you exhausted, overwhelmed, and generally with a lot on your mind. You had a backpack full of homework, three bratty friends and their drama to deal with (Sage and Mallory were already in a fight over something trivial), and another several months before you'd be able to escape any of it.

The boy was in five of your eight classes.

Your classes were crowded, with around forty students crammed into each room. He sat in the back of every class, now lacking headphones, but remaining with a hood over his head. He was quiet, and you didn't hear him speak a single time throughout the day. His reserve surprised you, as you had pegged him for a more outgoing type after seeing him sing in the parking lot like that. It was also obvious that no one was speaking to him; you had a received a text blast about staying away from him, and you assumed that the majority of the popular crowd in the school had as well. And since he wasn't speaking, the only information that you managed to gather was that his name was Kim Taehyung, from roll call in class.

At lunch he sat alone, headphones back in as he hovered over a notebook, looking concentrated you. You watched him from afar as Sage and Mallory were busy arguing, and Kennedy was texting her boyfriend from a neighboring high school.

He hardly ever looked up, and spent the entire lunch period writing in his notebook, sometimes his lips moving slightly as if he was either lip-syncing or talking to himself. From where you were sitting, there was no way to be sure.

You turned the street corner, now arriving upon your house. There were more cars parked on the street than usual, and you had ended up having to park several places down. Clay's car was outside, your mom's, a silver Kia Rio, and a red jeep. You furrowed your eyebrows at the car, trying to place why it looked so familiar to you.

You shook your head, moving on and walking up the sidewalk as it was hot outside, and your bag was heavy.

"I'm home!" You called out upon making it through the door, kicking your shoes off and hanging up your bag in the mudroom.

"We're in the kitchen!" That was your mother, voice sounding chipper and excited. You took a deep breath and prepared yourself for a few hours' worth of fake smiles and small talk. Maybe you would be able to get out of the conversation early by referring to your homework as an excuse. All you really wanted was to eat some food and take a nap. But, you walked into the kitchen with a smile plastered on anyway, appeasing your mother.

However, those seated around your kitchen island surprised you. It was your mother, Clay, a woman that looked around Clay's age, and the boy.

The boy with the blue hoodie, and the headphones, and the red jeep. The boy that the sang in the parking lot. The boy that the entire school was avoiding.

You could feel that shock spread across your face, and you couldn't even find it in yourself to try and hide it. You didn't want to be rude, but the surprise was more than you could handle in the moment.

"Y/N, this is Kim Eonjin, and her younger brother, Taehyung. They'll be staying with us for a few months while their mother is busy abroad. Isn't this great?!"


	4. prey

2] prey

"What?" you said in a tone of complete disbelief at your mother's news. Two strangers coming to live with your family? One of them being the most negatively talked about boy in school? This was utter social suicide for you.

Your mother smiled through gritted teeth, "Aren't you excited about our new guests?" she forced in a fake happy tone, likely trying to communicate for you to stop being so rude. You couldn't help your initial shock and feeling of anxiety and fear at the news, though. Out of all people, why did it have to be him?

"Um, yeah! Yeah, this is great!" You exclaimed, far over-doing your fake happiness to the point that you nearly made yourself cringe. "I'm sorry, I was just caught off guard," you said, desperately trying to recover simply for the sake of not getting in trouble with your mom later. The only thing worse than Kim Taehyung living in your house would be to get grounded, and then be stuck with Kim Taehyung in your house.

"I hope we aren't intruding," Eonjin began, "We really appreciate your mother, I mean, Rebecca's hospitality toward us. Haha, I keep forgetting you've given me permission to call you by your first name," Eonjin chuckled, and so did your mom. The girl was pretty, her hair dark and her lips a glossy pink. And Clay was staring at her. You didn't know if you should laugh or gag at that one. 

"You aren't intruding one single bit," Rebecca reassured Eonjin, a hand on her shoulder. "I would do anything for your family; you guys have been so good to us over the years. I probably wouldn't have survived University if it wasn't for your mom."

You furrowed your eyebrows, words flying out of your mouth before you had the chance to really think it through, "If they've been so good to us over the years, how come I've never heard of them before?

Rebecca was shooting daggers at you with her eyes again, and you clamped your mouth shut. That probably wasn't the best thing to say in this situation.

"While it's been several years since I've seen Mrs. Kim myself, I know that she was a great friend to mother while in college," Clay allowed, effortlessly smoothing over the awkward tension with a few simple words. Clay had a calming presence that was always quick to affect everyone. It was yet another one of his unique talents.

"That's right! She helped me out with my living expenses while we were in University together. She would always split her groceries with me, and even helped me get my first internship at the law firm. I've never been able to truly pay her back until now...She told me that she was leaving with Mr. Kim to go abroad for work until January, and that Eonjin and Taehyung would be staying at home. The thought of them both busy with school, stressed, and with no one to take care of them didn't sit well with me. So, I offered to take them while she was away to pay her back for all the times she helped me out before. Eonjin transferred to Clay's old university, and Tae is at your high school now!"

You blinked, taken aback by all the information, and by the fact that all of this was real, and in fact happening. Taehyung would be living in your house until January. Four whole months. How were you going to hide the fact that he was living in your house for four whole months? If people at school found out, you'd be done for. Mallory, Sage, Kennedy...They would ditch you in a heartbeat. You'd be a complete outcast, all because Taehyung acted like a freak on the first day of school.

"Oh..." you managed, forcing your lips to curve into a small smile.

"Have you met Taehyung yet? Did you two see each other today?" Taehyung looked up then, his eyes officially meeting yours for the first time. They were dark and compelling, almost intimidating in a way.

"We haven't met yet," you truly heard his voice for the first time, low and soothing, "I'm Taehyung," he stood from his stool, bridging the small gap between you the two of you so he could shake your hand. His skin was soft.

"Nice to meet you," you returned the handshake, and he offered you a small smile before sitting back down in his seat.

"Alright, I hate to leave so soon, but I'm on night rotation at the hospital, so it's time for me to get going," Clay said politely, reaching for his bag that was sitting on the opposite counter. You felt a pang of anxiety at the thought of Clay leaving so soon; he was such a good buffer when it came to dealing with people. "Oh, Y/N, by the way," he said as he turned back toward you, "If you have psych homework, I can help you with it later. Same to you, Taehyung."

"Thanks," Taehyung nodded, and you did as well.

"I'll be going then," Clay waved to everyone, and disappeared off down the hallway.

"Why don't you two go and get settled in; we have two empty bedrooms upstairs. Y/N, you should go ahead and get started on your homework before dinner is ready," your mom suggested. You were relieved to be excused from the situation, wanting to shut yourself in your room for a few hours and sulk about all the struggles that were now to come.

////

"I want you to take this cup of tea to Taehyung's room, okay? Eonjin said it was his favorite, and that he really likes to drink it in the evenings. It's the least you can do considering the way you behaved earlier. Your reaction to their moving in was rude," Your mother passed the mug to you later on that night. You sighed, taking it in your hands.

Dinner was slightly awkward and only composed of you, your mom, Taehyung, and Eonjin. Your father was working late at the office and Clay was off at the hospital, leaving just the four of you. Eonjin sat across from your mom, and Taehyung sat across from you, rendering not accidentally making awkward eye contact nearly impossible.

Taehyung was polite and would answer questions when your mother would ask them, but he didn't freely add onto the conversation, or ask questions of his own. The two of you didn't directly speak to one another for the entirety of the dinner. Needless to say, you were glad when it was over.

"I'll apologize," you said simply to get your mom off your back, and left to take the tea to Taehyung. Truthfully, you did feel that you'd been a little rude, and maybe you were being selfish. But, if anyone at school found out about this, your life would be over. Taehyung wasn't losing anything by living with you, but you were risking everything.

Taehyung's door was open when you approached, his room at the opposite end of the hall from yours. You knocked with your free hand anyway, and he looked up from where he was sitting at his desk.

"Oh," he said, his voice just as low and soothing-sounding as it had been before. "Hi."

"My, um, my mom said this was your favorite tea?" He stood, taking the cup from your hands. He was in black skinny jeans and a plain white T-Shirt now; the first time you had seen him without a hoodie. His frame was small but clearly toned, something you hadn't been able to observe when he had been covered up.

"Yeah, thank you." He smiled a bit, and there was a small space of awkward silence. You internally cringed.

"Um, Taehyung, I-I'm sorry if I was rude before. You know, when my mom said you guys would be moving in. I was just surprised, that's all," you stammered, hoping he would buy your lame apology so you could stop feeling so guilty about before.

He took a sip of the tea, a few moments passing before he replied. "Did your mom make you come and say that to me?" His question didn't sound rude, or harsh, or anything of that sort at all. His intonation practically didn't change. His voice was smoother than any other you'd ever heard, his composure seemingly never rattled.

"I, um, well..."

"It's okay, regardless," he took another sip of tea, eyes not leaving yours.

"Oh. Well, um, enjoy your tea," you offered, not knowing what else to say. You started to turn to leave, but paused in the doorway as something occurred to you. You hesitated for a moment before turning back around to face him.

"One more thing..."

Taehyung eyed you from behind his mug, "Sure."

You ducked your head out into the hallway, seeing that your mother and Eonjin were talking at the end of it. You pushed his bedroom door shut, not wanting to risk being overheard. You'd be grounded for months if you mom heard what you were about to say.

"I honestly really hate to ask this of you..."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Look, I hang out with the popular crowd at school, and they're not exactly the most understanding or forgiving people...And...They can't know you're living here. Actually, no one can know you're living here. Please don't say anything to anyone at school," you spit the words out, feeling terrible for having to so. But, they were words you felt had to be said.

"Oh."

"I-It's not personal, okay? Again, I'm sorry to have to ask you to keep this a secret. But, really, people can't find out."

"Really? 'It's not personal'?" he chuckled, "So I guess your friends are the ones who made sure no one talked to me at school today, right?" He was looking dead into your eyes, and you gulped.

"...Yeah. I mean, I wanted to stop it-"

"So, why didn't you, then?" His words didn't sound like they came from a place of anger or hurt. It felt more like he was challenging you, the corner of his mouth flicking up into smirk, his eyes intense and refusing to leave yours.

"My friends, they're just so...judgmental. Once they make up their mind about somebody, it's practically impossible to change it...Me telling them to stop never does any good. It just makes my life harder," you admitted, hating how self-absorbed that last sentence sounded. You were only worrying about yourself.

Taehyung pursed his lips, nodding. "I understand."

"Really?"

"I'll keep your secret. I won't tell anyone," he finally moved, sitting back down at his desk, and set the cup of tea down.

"Thank you. And I'm sorry," you grimaced, turning to leave. You felt relieved that he agreed to stay quiet about the situation, but the conversation left you feeling abnormally uneasy.

"But Y/N," he called out, stopping you in your tracks. You turned around. He made full eye contact yet again, intimidating you even more than he had the first time.

"You should know that if you're afraid of the people you call your friends, then they aren't really your friends at all," he took another sip of tea then, and put his headphones in. "Shut my door on your way out."


	5. more than just a dream

You found the first mixtape in your locker the next day, the second day of school. It was a single CD in a clear plastic case, the names and times of songs written neatly in block letters with a black marker on the outside of the case. It only consisted of four songs.

[0:0] out of my league- fitz and the tantrums

[3:30] life itself- glass animals

[8:11] crystallized- young the giant

[12:12] naive- the kooks

You grew confused as you examined the CD, partially filled with concern as you realized whoever put it inside had either broken into your locker or knew the lock combination.

"What's that?" Mallory asked, standing to your side as she impatiently waited for you to grab your books. You shared nearly all of your classes with her, and she would often wait around for you to walk to class together.

"Oh? It's um, it's nothing," you shrugged off her inquiry and quickly dropped the CD in your bag before she had a chance to get a closer look. If you told Mallory about the CD, she would tell Sage. And if she told Sage, it would be a matter of minutes before "Mysterious Person Leaves Mixtapes in the Lockers of the High School Student Body" was a trending headline around the school. A conspiracy leading with your name on it didn't exactly sound like a model way to launch your reputation for the year.

You began walking down the hall alongside Mallory, your head swirling thoughts of who had left the mixtape for you, and why they broke into your locker to do it. If someone wanted to share music with you that badly, couldn't they have just given the CD to you to your face? It made you slightly uncomfortable as your privacy had been invaded, even if the gesture of leaving something as trivial as a mixtape was technically harmless.

"Can I copy your homework?" Mallory's question pulled your conscious back to reality.

"Yeah, whatever," you complied easily without giving it much more thought.

"You seem distracted today," she observed, accepting the homework as you passed it to her, continuing to make your way through the crowded hall. "Did something happen?"

"No, I just didn't sleep well last night," you replied. It technically wasn't a lie; you really didn't sleep well. Taehyung's words practically bounced around in your head for the entirety of the night, causing you to feel a whirlwind of mixed emotions.

Anger, at first, for what felt like judgment.

"If you're scared of your friends, then they aren't really your friends at all."

Who was he to look into your life like that and judge it so easily? Even given what you had told them about being close-minded...You didn't like his words. But the more you thought about it, you grew paranoid, fearing he was right. Then you were frustrated at the thought that he might be right. Regardless, no matter how you looked at it, Taehyung's words had indeed gotten to you, manifesting themselves deep within your heart even though you desperately didn't want them there.

"You seem stressed," Mallory added, interrupting your train of thought once again.

"I'm not. I'm fine," you lied again, growing annoyed at her persistence.

"Oh, I was supposed to ask you," she shifted the subject, "Can Sage and I come over after school so Clay can help us with our bio homework?" She smacked her gum as the two of you turned another corner, almost to class.

"Yeah whatever he should be home," you agreed, momentarily not considering the fact that Taehyung would be there as well.

"Thanks!" Mallory skipped into the classroom, quickly enveloping herself into a conversation with her latest crush, Alex, before you had a chance to tell her not to come. It didn't help that Taehyung was already sitting in his chair at the back of the classroom, you having to walk directly by him to get to your seat. He was humming this time rather than singing, a tune you found unfamiliar. It was catchy though, and it bounced around in your mind with the rest of his words for the entirety of the class.

/////

You rushed getting home, praying to see Taehyung's red jeep already parked in the driveway. You needed to intercept him before Mallory and Paige showed up at your house to bother Clay about their homework.

You turned the corner, speeding a bit faster than you should've, and you were overcome with relief at the sight of Taehyung pulling into the driveway just before you did.

You couldn't help but notice his physique as he got out of the car. His backpack was slung over his shoulder and he was still wearing the same hoodie that he had on the day before. You hated that you were noticing him like this. You hated that you were noticing that he was attractive. You turned off the car and quickly ran up the drive to meet him.

"Taehyung, wait up."

"And how can I help you today?" his smile was smug and knowing as if he knew something that you didn't. It was like he was mocking you without even having to say anything at all.

"Listen, I'm really sorry to have to ask this of you. But I have a few friends coming over later, and they cannot know that you're here. You don't have to leave the house or anything but just stay in your room. Please."

"And if I don't?"

"Taehyung..."

"Really, what's going to happen if I don't stay out of the way? Will they really disown you because I live in your house? What kind of friends are they if they treat you like that? You don't deserve that."

Those words were a shock. It no longer sounded like he was criticizing you but that he was concerned for you. He had no reason to be concerned for you though; he barely knew you. Regardless, something about what he said made you feel a bit softer about him. 2

"Look, I can't have this conversation right now. They're going to be here soon and I really just don't want to face it. What's going to happen if they find out? They'll make fun of me. They will make even more fun of you. We will both be outcasts at school. It won't end well."

"I'll stay out of the way, then. For you."

With that he kept walking up the drive, quietly entering the house. You followed close behind him, feeling weird about the conversation that you just had. You almost felt guilty for asking him to stay out of the way. He made you question things. He challenged you. All you knew for sure was that he had too much influence on you for someone that you had just met. And that scared you.

/////

He did as he promised that night. The girls came and went without a clue that Taehyug was living in your house. The only thing they questioned was the red Jeep, but you just told them it was Clay's. And as soon as they were gone you made Taehyung a cup of tea as he liked it, and took it up to his room.

Your stomach had hurt the entire the girls were over at your house. Between the lies and your treatment of Taehyung, you weren't feeling so good about yourself. 

"Can I come in?" You could hear music coming through the open door of his bedroom. It sounded familiar. It was the same tune here been having earlier in the day, the same two that you would stuck in your head since then.

"You were out of my league. All the things I believe. You were just the right kind. Yeah, you are more than just a dream."

"Are the others gone?" he asked, standing from his desk to meet you at the door, refusing your inquiry to enter.

"Yeah they just left. I, um, I brought you some tea," you held the cup out to him.

"Thank you," he murmured. "You can come in." He stood back from the doorway, allowing space for you to walk inside.

He went and sat on the edge of his bed, gesturing toward his desk chair. "Sit down if you want."

"Sure," you sat in the chair, swiveling it around to face Taehyung.

"Did your mom make you bring me this again?" he raised an eyebrow before taking a sip.

"No. I brought to you because I felt guilty," you picked a loose thread on your sweater.

"Why do you feel guilty?"

"Because I've been horrible to you."

"You haven't."

"You don't have to be so nice. I've been a total brat. And I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that. I was just concerned about myself and that was wrong."

"It's okay. Really, I understand where you're coming from," Taehyung reassured you. "I'll continue to stay out of the way if you think it'll make your life easier at school."

"Thank you...I'm sorry."

"Don't be. We can just be friends in secret," he winked. No one spoke for a few moments after, the song almost resolving and coming to a close."

 

"You were out of my league. Got my heartbeat racing. If I die, don't wake me. 'Cause you are more than just a dream."

"This song," you said, "what is it?" 

"It's track number one on your mixtape," he gave you knowing smile, and continued drinking his tea.


	6. wrong crowd

It had been nearly three weeks since you apologized to Taehyung and since he proposed secret friendship. Truth was, you really liked talking to him. He had a unique perspective on the world, and something about his mindset was refreshing to you. 

You and Taehyung made the tea time a nightly routine. You mostly met him in his room, but sometimes he would come to yours. You began making yourself a cup of tea alongside his, both of you discussing your day over the hot and calming drinks.

Your friends were oblivious to his presence, which was good for your sake. You made sure not to invite them over so that Taehyung wouldn't have to stay holed up in his room. However, your friends were noticing your acting differently, and they began to slowly grow suspicious about what was really going on with you. 

"You're coming tonight, right?" Sage asked as you put your books into your backpack. It was the end of the day, and you had piles of homework to complete. Fortunately, Taehyung was really good at math and had offered to help you with your Pre-Cal homework. 

"Where?" you replied, zipping up your bag. 

"Are you serious? It's only the biggest party of the year, Y/N. It's all everyone's been talking this week. Where've you been?"

"Sorry, I've been trying to focus on getting good grades this term," you shrugged, "I haven't been paying much attention to the talk around school."

"You seem different these days. What's wrong with you?" Sage demanded, seemingly growing impatient with you. 

"Why do you assume that something's wrong? I've just been focused lately," you lied. The real reason you'd been beginning to pull away from your friends was because of Taehyung. But, of course, you could never tell her that. They could never find out. Besides, it was only 4 more months before Taehyung left to go back home anyway. You could stay friends with him without anyone finding out for 4 months, right?

You felt a sinking feeling in your chest at the realization that eventually, he'd be leaving. 

"Come to the party tonight," Sage wasn't asking, but telling you. You wanted to roll your eyes, but you didn't, bent on keeping the peace with her. Like you thought before, she wasn't someone you wanted as a friend, but she definitely wasn't someone you wanted as an enemy. Keep your friends close and enemies closer and all that. 

"I don't know, Sage, I have a lot of homework-"

"So do I, but that's not stopping me from going."

You sighed, unsure of how to keep arguing with her. 

"If you're really friends with all of us, you'll come. Everyone's going to be there, and you're going to miss out if you stay at home studying. That's lame."

She was practically giving you an ultimatum. You sighed again, closing your locker. 

"Fine. But I'm not staying out super late, my mom would kill me."

"Fair enough," Sage said, "And make sure to do something about...this," she said waving her hand, gesturing toward your clothes. "Wear something different."

"Got it," you held up a thumbs up, walking away and only rolling your eyes after you knew for sure that she couldn't see you. 

/////

"You would've gotten this right, but you input the last number into your calculator incorrectly," Taehyung pointed toward your mistake. 

You were both sitting at the kitchen island doing homework together, Taehyung ensuring that you weren't going to fail Pre-Cal. That was one subject that Clay couldn't help with; biology was his strong-suit, Calculus, not so much. 

"Ugh," you erased the answer that you had put down, and started reworking the problem.

"Don't get frustrated. Calculus is difficult for most people," he coaxed you, getting up and going to grab a glass of water. He'd been in your house long enough now to have a pretty good handle on where everything was. He seemed comfortable, and at home. That made you happy. 

"It's not difficult for you," you said, writing the new answer down. 

"That's because I already took the class last year, and now for some reason, they've put me in Pre-Cal again. The only reason it's not difficult to me is because I've already done this all before. So, don't get frustrated. It's normal for you to struggle. Most people do."

"True..."

"So, listen," he started, sitting back down beside you. "Are you going to that party tonight? The one that's been the talk of the whole school?"

"Wow, I didn't think you paid attention to any of that chatter," you chuckled.

"I usually don't, but it was all over school, and that made it kind of difficult to ignore."

"Yeah, I'm going," you nodded, "Sage won't get off my back about it and I don't want to keep fighting her on stuff. I figure I'll show up for half an hour and then come back home."

"...Be careful, please," he seemed weary of the fact that you were going. 

"It's just a dumb high school party, Tae. Nothing bad is going to happen."

He scratched the back of his head, looking uncomfortable. "Just because it's a 'dumb high school party' doesn't mean it's safe."

"It's not my first time to go to a party like this. I'll be with a group the whole time, and I promise I won't be drinking. I would invite you to come with me, but we both know that's probably not a good idea."

"Okay," he seemed content with that answer, and he picked up his pencil, continuing his own homework. 

"I'm gonna go get ready. Thanks for the help."

"No problem."

/////

And everything would've been fine. It would've been a typical, dumb high school party. It would've been boring to you, but it would've been good to please your "friends." It all would've been fine if you would've left after half an hour like you said you were going to. 

It would've been fine if the cops hadn't broken up the party. 

It would've been fine if you didn't end up having to hide a few yards over, your only option to call Taehyung to pick you up.


	7. somebody find me and fast

Your breathing was quick and labored as you ran, just trying to make it out of the yard of Justin's house as to not be caught by the police. You hadn't been a part of the illegal activity, but you were still on the property, making you look very guilty. Mallory was nowhere to be found and she was the one who'd picked you up from your house in her car...You had no way of getting home. 

You stopped running once you made it a few houses over, the cloak of the shadows of trees keeping you hidden, and you seemed to be away from all the noise. You should've known better than to go to this party, and you should've listened to Taehyung. Again, you had succumbed to pleasing your fake friends. It was freezing outside and your coat was inside of the house...Justin's house was 20 miles from yours; there was no way you could walk home, especially in this cold. 

With shaky and slightly numb hands, you managed to get your phone out of your pocket. The last person you wanted to call was your mom, who was working late, or Clay because he would scold you for associating yourself with people who threw these kinds of parties. 

You were frantically scrolling through your contacts, trying to figure out who to call when your eyes landed upon his name. You pressed it before you could think twice about it. 

It only rang for a few seconds before he answered, his voice sounding even deeper on the phone. 

"Are you okay?" Taehyung asked the concern he was feeling clear in his voice. 

"How'd you know something was wrong?"

"Why else would you be calling me at eleven o'clock at night?"

"I need you to come to pick me up. Please," you said, your eyes looking around quickly to make sure you truly had outrun everyone else from the party. 

"Are you okay?" he asked again. 

"I'm fine, but I'm stranded here. One of the neighbors must have put in a noise complaint or something because the police showed up. I'm a few houses down, hiding out under a tree."

"You know how ridiculous that sounds, right?" he chuckled. 

"Don't laugh at me!" you whispered as angrily as you possibly could, "Please come help, I have no way of getting out of here. I don't know where Mallory is...Taehyung, I'm scared."

"Send me your address," his voice sounded concerned again. You knew he would take you more seriously if you told him you were scared. And it was the truth, anyway. 

"Okay, I'll send it now," you said, hanging up and sending him your current location through text. 

You sat down under the tree, glad that the street lamp's bulb had burned out. You felt safer now knowing that no one could see you. You wondered for a brief moment if anyone would get arrested. You wondered if it would be one of your friends that did.

Twenty minutes later, you felt relief as you saw Taehyung's red jeep coming down the road. He stopped a little ways before the house you were hiding out at; probably to make sure the homeowners didn't see the headlights outside and wonder who was at their residence. 

You heard a car door shut, and before you knew it, Taehyung was standing in front of you. 

"Here," he offered his hand, helping to pull you up. He took off his jacket then, putting it around your shoulders. 

"Don't you know that you shouldn't go out without a coat?" he murmured, his eyes falling upon your lips. "They're blue."

"Huh?"

"Your lips are blue...C'mon," he said, motioning for you to follow him back to the Jeep. 

Once in the car, Taehyung immediately turned on the heater on full blast. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get here. I sped some of the way..." he said, the both of you just sitting there in the dark for a moment. 

"It's not your fault I was far from home," your teeth finally seemed to stop chattering. 

"This is why I didn't want you to go..." he trailed off. His voice didn't sound harsh; it never did. 

"I know. I'm sorry."

Taehyung put the Jeep in drive, turning back onto the road and heading toward home. 

He didn't speak again until you were halfway home, "Are you warm enough?"

"Yeah, your jacket helped...Thanks," you said. You could smell the scent of his cologne on you now, but you honestly didn't mind it. 

"How did you end up mixed up with them in the first place?" he asked. 

"Who? My friends?"

"Those fakers you call your friends, yeah." That was the only time so far that you'd heard him be a bit harsh-sounding. He was normally so calm and cool and collected. But the thought of your friends really seemed to get under his skin. 

"I've known them all since grade school. Kind of one of those things where we're all friends just because we grew up together, not because we necessarily like each other or have anything in common."

"Doesn't sound like very good friendships to me."

"They aren't," you confirmed. 

"You deserve better."

"I know."

And so the two of you were silent the rest of the way home, briefly pausing to say goodnight before going your separate ways. 

You felt a weird sense of peace that night as you laid in bed and thought about the things Taehyung had said. He treated you like you were actually worth something, which was a way of feeling that you weren't used to. 

What you didn't know was that text messages and tweets and Instagram posts were circulating around in your phone right now- you had turned it off and plugged it in to charge overnight. 

You didn't know the things people were saying, the things everybody now knew. 

You didn't know that what you thought was a secret wasn't any longer; there were pictures to prove it. 

When you woke up tomorrow, you'd be facing a whole new plethora of problems.


	8. stigma

Nighttime rendezvous between school freak Kim Taehyung and mystery popular girl! Stay tuned to find out her identity!"

You stared at your phone and the pictures attached to the caption. An anonymous user had blasted this everywhere. It was in your texts, on Twitter, on Instagram, and even the school Facebook page. And everyone was talking about it.

The pictures were of you and Taehyung under the tree last night while he was putting his coat around your shoulders. Your face was blurred out, but it was obviously Taehyung. You wondered how the culprit managed to get such a clear picture of you both when it was so dark out, and if there was a flash, how did you not notice it?

You stared at the picture, in complete and utter shock. It wasn't until the first tear hit the phone screen that you realized how upset you were truly feeling.

The comments were just as bad, absolutely horrible things being said, mostly about Taehyung. 

You got up from the bed, pulling a hoodie on over your tank top and stumbled your way down the hallway, knocking on Taehyung's bedroom door.

"Y/N," he said just a mere second later as if he was already about to open the door to his room anyway.

"Tae," you managed, trying to hold back your tears and panic. But, the look of him in an oversized sweater, hair messed up, concern in his eyes, made you break, and all the emotion came flooding out.

"Did you see?" his expression was pained and stressed-looking.

You nodded your head slowly.

"I should've been more careful," he whispered, "I'm so sorry."

"No, this isn't your fault," you hiccuped, trying to wipe away your tears, "Whoever did this is disgusting. Putting us on blast like that? Have you read the comments?"

You wanted to seem angry, but you just couldn't stop crying. You'd never experienced such a wave of internet hate, despite the fact people didn't realize the girl in the picture, was you.

"Please, don't cry. We'll work this out."

"How?" your voice broke again and Taehyung sighed, bridging the small gap that was between you two. He carefully wrapped his arms around you.

"I'll take the most of it, so try to calm down," he murmured, smoothing your hair.

His embrace should've been uncomfortable but it wasn't. It was entirely too comforting, and you found yourself folding into him far too easily.

"What do you mean?" you mumbled into his chest, sniffling.

"Nobody knows it's you in the picture, they just know for sure that it's me. So I'll be the talk of the school today. You can act normally, and stay as far away from me as possible so people don't get suspicious," he explained, pulling back slightly, his hands on your shoulders. "It's going to be okay."

"What about the fact the photographer is planning to release my name? I mean, maybe that's what I deserve...Some karma for treating you so badly," you attempted to dry up your tears again, but they kept on flowing.

"I still think they're going to focus on me because I'm already an outcast at school. I'll make up a story, okay? I'll take all the blame. So don't worry. And stop punishing yourself for things you said and did a month ago. We're over that, okay?"

"Why would you do that for me? Why would you subject yourself to all that ridicule? If anything, I should be splitting that pain with you."

"Because I don't have anything to lose. And I'm trying to protect you," his voice as firm, like no matter what you said he wasn't going to waver on how he planned to handle this situation. 

"You don't have to protect me."

"I know that I don't have to. I want to."

/////

You watched Taehyung's red jeep pull into the school parking lot shortly after you did, and you said a silent prayer for him. You had no idea what kind of awful things would be said to him at school today, all because you had called him for help. 

You felt so guilty and so angry at the person who had posted this for the sake of some good drama. 

"School freak Kim Taehyung and mystery popular girl", what a headline. You watched him through the car window, practically holding your breath as he began walking up toward the school. 

So far, so good. 

You sighed and unbuckled your seatbelt, getting out of your car as well. You walked a good ways behind him, watching carefully. 

Nothing. 

You let out a sigh of relief. 

But you did it too soon. 

Because upon him walking past Justin and his group of friends, the real abuse began. You were surprised Justin hadn't been arrested after last night, considering it was thrown at his house. You were close enough to see that they were attempting to spit on him, shouting vulgar things that made you cringe when you heard them. 

You so badly wanted to go to his side, to help him, to comfort him, but you forced yourself to hang back, to remember what he had said. He wanted to take all this for you. 

You just weren't sure that you could continue to let him. 

/////

Between the fourth and fifth period, you stopped at your locker, opening it with the intention to exchange your textbooks. But, the first thing your eyes fell upon was a photocopy of the picture of you and Taehyung, except this time, your face wasn't blurred out. 

Your eyes grew wide as you turned it over, attempting to shove it back in your locker before anyone walking by could see. But, that's when you noticed a small note written on the back. 

"Want me to keep your identity a secret and let this whole thing die out? Meet me at Mcallister's at 8 pm tomorrow."


	9. shelter

"Who do you think it is?" Kennedy asked. 

"I have no idea, honestly. We're the most popular people in school, and it's definitely not one of us...So who?" Mallory replied, sighing slightly. You were all sitting around a lunch table outside in the school courtyard, and they'd been discussing the mysterious popular girl for the entirety of the time you'd all been sitting there. 

Taehyung was nowhere to be found, which was probably a good thing. You grabbed your phone, looking at it under the table. 

you: hey tae. where are you?

taehyung: in my car lol

you: are you okay?

taehyung: i'm fine, don't worry about me

you: how can i not worry?

taehyung: stop texting me before someone notices you aren't engaged in whatever conversation you're probably supposed to be having. 

you: am i really that predictable?

taehyung: ;)

taehyung: i'll see you at home. 

you: ok

"Who are you talking to?" that was Sage, who was sitting across from you. She had noticed how your head had been bent down for a reasonable amount of time now. She attempted to reach across the table and grab the phone, but you pulled back just in time. 

"It's just Clay," you lied, "I'm asking him about something for my bio homework."

"Well, in that case, can I copy your homework tomorrow?"

"Yeah, whatever." You shrugged her off, locking your phone, putting it back in your pocket, and impatiently waiting for the bell to ring. 

/////

You and Taehyung arrived at home within seconds of each other, and you were relieved. Relieved to be away from school for a while, and relieved to be away from prying eyes. You felt grateful that it was Friday, and you'd have a whole weekend away from all the drama.

He got out of his car before you got out of yours, leaving his backpack behind. Guess he wasn't in the mood for homework today.

You got out of your car then, rushing up the drive to catch his arm.

"Tae," you said, and he turned to look at you, eyes expectant.

"What's up?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

You dropped his arm, hesitating for a moment. "I...I just.."

You made a move then, one that surprised both you and him. You hugged him. He had sacrificed so much for you today, and you didn't know how else to express the emotions you were feeling toward him. He was the only person you felt yourself counting on now. He was the only person that told you that you deserved better. He was the only person that treated you like you were actually worth something.

He hugged you back easily, chin resting on the top of your head. "Everything okay?"

"Just...thank you," you mumbled, standing there with your arms around him for a few more seconds before pulling back so you could see his face. "Did anything else happen to you at school?"

"Don't worry about it," he shook his head.

"C'mon, Taehyung. You don't have to keep it a secret."

"Nope. You aren't going to keep worrying about me. I can handle them."

You both completely let go of each other then.

"There is something else, though..." you said as you remembered the picture you found in your locker earlier that day.

"What is it?"

"Let's go inside. There's something I need to show you."

/////

"Absolutely you shouldn't go, absolutely not," he shook his head, putting the picture down on the kitchen island you two were standing around. 

"You think?"

"We have no idea who this person is, and we have no idea if they're dangerous or not. I think it's better to steer clear from meeting up with anyone when you don't know exactly what to expect," Taehyung explained. 

"You're probably right," you sighed, "I just don't want everyone to find out..."

"The odds of them not leaking your name just because you showed up like they asked are small. They'd probably use this against you, to blackmail you. I don't think it's a good idea to go, but it's your decision."

"I've never been so anxious in my life," you sighed, taking the picture and throwing it in the trash. 

"Why don't we do something fun tonight? Get our minds off everything?" he suggested. 

"I don't want to leave the house," you frowned. 

"We don't have to. Let's have a movie night. I'll make the popcorn," he offered up his typical boxy smile, and you couldn't help but chuckle. 

"Deal."

/////

~Taehyung's POV~

You two sat on the couch together for five whole hours, getting through 2 and a half movies before you promptly fell asleep on his shoulder. He was glad to see that you were getting rest, that you were getting to have a few moments free of stress and anxiety about the turmoil to come. 

Truth was, he didn't know when it happened, but all he knew now was that he cared a great deal about you. His relationship with you started off out of spite, because his mom had forced him to move in with people he was unfamiliar with and attend a school he wasn't used to. His relationship with you began out of his sheer curiosity for why you were so concerned with material kinds of things, and most of all, your reputation. 

But, now, he cared. He cared for you deeply, more than he had ever cared for someone that wasn't family. He was conflicted, though. Because while he cared about you, he wished you would wake up from your current mindset. He wished you'd stop being so concerned with what other people thought of you. He wanted to you to love yourself for who you were, and to stop putting all your self-worth into what other people thought of you. 

He wasn't sure how to open your eyes to that, though. And as much as he hated to admit it, and even though he would never say this to you, he thought that maybe, this whole picture scandal might be in your best interest after all.


	10. cough syrup

~Your POV~

When you woke up the next morning, you found yourself leaning against Taehyung who was still asleep. The main menu credits and music were quietly playing repeatedly on the big screen TV, and the sun was just starting to come up and shine through the windows.

But, you noticed immediately that you didn't feel right; that you didn't feel good. You were freezing cold despite the fact that you were wearing yesterday's sweater and were cuddled up next to Taehyung. You shifted away from Taehyung and rubbed your eyes, trying to wake up.

Taehyung stirred next to you, his eyes slowly opening. He glanced over at you with tired eyes, a weird flash of concern spreading across his face.

"What's wrong?" you asked.

"Y/N, you look really pale..."

"I...What?" You tried sitting up a bit, suddenly grabbing your head as it began to throb. Taehyung was right by your side in an instant.

"Maybe you should lay down... I'll go get you some water," He said getting up.

You did as you were told, laying down as he left the room.

He came back just a few moments later, water glass in hand, along with an extra blanket. He set the glass down on the coffee table before going over to you and carefully covering you up with the blanket.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, sitting down on the edge of the couch.

"Not good," you sighed, "All this drama and now I'm sick." You knew you were whining but you couldn't help yourself.

"Maybe then you can miss school on Monday," he teased, and you rolled your eyes.

"We both know me skipping school isn't going to solve anything."

"Maybe not, but at least you'd have more time to relax."

"What, you think I'm too high strung?"

"Hey, you're sick, don't start getting mad at me," he chuckled.

"I'm not getting mad, I'm just asking."

"I think you stress out over things that don't really matter. You put pressure on yourself more often than you really need to. So yeah, I think it's a good thing that you're practically being forced to just lay down and rest right now."

You didn't have anything to say. Sure, you didn't want to admit you were high strung, but his honesty touched you. You weren't used to people being honest with you.

"Get some rest, Y/N. I'll come back and check on you in a bit. Do you want a new movie to watch?" He stood from the couch.

"I think I'm gonna try and go back to sleep, but thank you.

"Okay. Call me if you need anything," he gave you a soft smile before turning and leaving.

/////

~Taehyung's POV~

He attempted to focus on other things that morning as you slept and tried to recover, but his mind kept coming back to you. He felt anxious, knowing that you weren't feeling well and he couldn't do anything about it.

It was pointless to walk back into the living room every five minutes to check on you because you were literally just sleeping, but he couldn't help himself. The only reason he broke that cycle was that Clay came home from his night shift at the hospital.

"What are you pacing back and forth for, Tae?" Clay asked, setting his bag on the kitchen island.

"I'm just waiting for my tea," he said, pointing to the stove.

"Yeah, but you're pacing like you're nervous about something."

"Y/N is sick," he started uneasily, rubbing the back of his neck. "I- I just- maybe I'm a little worried."

"You do realize she has a doctor for a brother, right?"

"Yeah..."

"What's wrong with her?"

"I think she just has a fever...." Taehyung trailed off again, realizing how ridiculous it must look for him to be so anxious over a fever.

"I don't think she'll die from it," Clay chuckled as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

Taehyung wanted to roll his eyes but didn't out of respect for Clay. Clay had been the most welcoming of Taehyung out of everyone, and Taehyung didn't take that lightly.

"Well is there anything I should do to help take care of her?" Taehyung inquired.

Clay set his cup of coffee down, looking Taehyung straight in the eyes.

"Tell me, what's going on with you and my little sister?"

"What? What do you mean?" he couldn't stop himself from stuttering as he was so caught off guard by the question.

"You heard me. What's happening with you and Y/N?"

"I mean, th-there's nothing 'happening'."

"You sure about that?" Clay raised an eyebrow.

"We're friends..."

"And that's all?"

Taehyung could feel himself starting to blush.

"I care about her. I'll be honest, I really care about her." 

It was then that you entered the room, looking half asleep, holding your empty glass. Taehyung and Clay both looked over to you, and Taehyung felt himself starting to panic. Had you heard what he said?

"I just came to get more water," you said, holding up the glass. "Why are you guys looking at me like that?"

"You should've called me, I would've brought it to you," Taehyung muttered, looking down at the floor because he couldn't bear to make eye contact with you.

Truthfully, it wasn't the end of the world if you had overhead him because what he had said was the truth.

He just wasn't quite ready for you to hear it yet.

"I'm okay," you said, going over to the fridge to get water, coughing as you did so.

"Take some cough syrup," Clay said, "I'm going to take a nap. It was a long night." He left the room, and Taehyung felt like he was finally able to exhale. Clay sure wasn't going easy with the questions.

"Um, so do you want to come watch reruns of Friends with me?" you asked, not making eye contact either. Your eyes were trained on your glass as you poured water into it. He couldn't tell if you were blushing or if your face was red from the fever.

"It's not a big deal if you're busy, though," you added, and now he was almost certain you were blushing.

He found that endearing.

"Sure," he smiled at you, simply because he couldn't help himself. Even in yesterday's clothes, your hair messed up, and your temperature being 102, you were still cute.

"Thank you, Taehyung. For everything." You returned the smile as the two of you walked back to the couch in comfortable silence.


	11. helping you

The first clue was released the following Monday at school.

"The mystery popular girl is within the biggest friend group on campus."

It was not only blasted on social media but was printed on fliers that had been stuffed in lockers and pinned on bulletin boards.

"We're the biggest friend group on campus..." Sage and Mallory and Kennedy were gathered at your locker. "Between us four and all the guys, that makes us the most popular, biggest friend group."

It was Sage talking, her eyes darting around to everyone standing there, looking suspicious.

"It's one of us. Who's lying here?" she demanded, and you felt yourself beginning to panic.

The bell rang before anybody answered Sage, and instead of going to class, you took a turn and went out the side door into the courtyard.

You: I think I'm starting to have a panic attack.

Taehyung: For real? Are you okay?

You: Do i seem like i'm okay?? Taehyung I don't know what to do I've never felt this way before. I feel like i'm breathing really weird and my chest hurts.

Taehyung: try to take some deep breaths, okay? Talk to me, what's causing this?

You: what do you think? Sage is questioning all of us and I have no idea what to say. It's only a matter of time before they figure it out, and that's literally the worst thing that can happen right now.

Taehyung: i wish i could just see you right now

You: i cut class i'm in the courtyard. Taehyung, i really don't feel well.

Taehyung: meet me at my car so no one will see.

~Taehyung's POV~

He left class without explanation to his teacher, rushing to the parking lot so he could get to you as soon as possible. He hated the thought of you having a panic attack, and having to go through that alone.

He found you sitting in between his Jeep and another car, out of sight, your knees were drawn into your chest and your head was resting down.

"Y/N," he called out to you, and you immediately looked up. He saw the tears then, pouring out of your eyes as you were shaking. You really were having a panic attack.

He rushed to your side and brought you to his chest.

"Shhh... I'm here. It's okay..."

He could tell you were struggling and that hurt him a lot more than he wanted to admit.

"Come here..." he said before carefully pulling you into his lap and holding you tightly against his chest from behind. You leaned into his chest as he stroked your hair, trying to control the sobs shaking your body.

"I-I just don't- I don't-" Your sobs were getting louder. Taehyung held you against his chest tighter.

"Shhhh, talk later. Breathe now."

"I-I'm just so scared."

"It's okay to be scared, but I'm right here with you. It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay. Start by taking some deep breaths. Count to eight, hold for eight, and breathe out for eight. "

You did as you were told, and he felt your breathing begin to slow down a bit. You were still crying, but you weren't sobbing like you were a minute ago. You continued breathing as Taehyung instructed, all the while he was encouraging you and telling you positive things. He finally felt you take a few deep breaths, and he let go of a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Feel better Y/N?" He hugged you tightly for a moment.

"Much... thank you..."

You got up then, Taehyung following.

He hesitated only slightly before reaching out to gently wipe away your remaining tears.

"Things won't be this way forever. You'll get better. Everything will."

"I don't know, Tae, it just feels like I'm stuck in a place that I'll never get out of."

"Do you trust me?" he moved closer to you, his voice sounding as deep and compelling as ever.

You didn't even hesitate.

"Yes, I do."

"Close your eyes."

And you did. He didn't have any more reservations or confusion about his feelings for you, but he knew that you hadn't realized yours yet. So even though this wasn't exactly what he had planned, he was content with it.

He was careful as if to not scare you off.

He gently pressed his lips against your forehead and was surprised when you didn't pull away.

He didn't know what thoughts were running through your head as he pulled away and looked into your slightly wider eyes.

"Let's go home," he murmured, opening the car door for you.

"What about my car?"

"We'll come back and get it later. For now, let's just go home."

/////

~Your POV~

Taehyung was silent for the car ride home, but he reached over and grabbed your hand, holding it in his for the entirety of the way home. His skin was soft.

"Taehyung," you said later on that evening. The two of you were sitting in his room for tea time; him on the edge of his bed, you sitting in his desk chair like usual.

"Yeah?" he took a sip of his tea.

"How did you know what to do? How to calm me down?"

"I used to struggle a lot with anxiety, so I've been in that position a few times myself..."

"Really? You always seem like nothing ever bothers you, though."

"I've gotten better with time. The truth is that once I started caring for and loving myself for who I am, the things that other people said about me stopped mattering. And so I stopped being so anxious."

"I wish I could be that way..."

"You can, with time. If that's what you really want. I wish you could be this way too. It hurts me to see you be hurt."

"But, Tae..."

"Yeah?"

"Why does it matter to you if I'm hurt or not?"

And so he finally said it to your face; "Because I care about you, Y/N. I care about you a lot."

You looked down at your mug, unable to hold eye contact with him after that. You knew you were blushing.

"You know what?" you said, still looking down.

"What?"

"I care about you, too."


	12. aftermath

"Try to not let them get to you today. It's better to not say anything at all than to deny anything. It'll just make everything seem more suspicious," Taehyung said to you over coffee the next morning. 

"What if there's a new clue posted today?"

"I think we would've already gotten it on our phones if there was one," he pointed out, getting up and putting his empty mug in the sink. 

"You're probably right," you sighed, "I just don't want a repeat of yesterday..."

"Try not to start being anxious about being anxious. It just makes it all worse," Taehyung grabbed his backpack, "C'mon, we're gonna be late."

You were reluctant to leave and Taehyung could see that, watching you as you hesitated by the door. 

"Come here," he motioned for you to go over to him, his arms open wide. You embraced him without a second thought, your head against his chest. 

"It's going to be okay. If you're really having a hard time, just text me, alright?" he said, holding you for a few moments longer before letting go. "I'll see you later."

/////

~Taehyung's POV~

He didn't expect anything to happen that day. Because of the fact that nothing else had been released about the photos, and because you managed to work through some major emotions yesterday, he expected today to be a quiet day. 

He expected to go into school quietly like always, not talk to anyone, keep an eye on you from afar, and then come back home. 

That's not what happened. 

He held himself back from crying out in pain as he was pushed, slammed against the lockers, the raised edges of it digging into his shoulder. 

"Don't even try to fight back," Taehyung finally was able to get a glimpse at who had pushed him; it was Alex, Mallory's boytoy. 

"Look, I don't want any trouble," Taehyung started as he noticed a crowd beginning to form around himself. 

"I don't really care what you want. Because of you, rumors are getting started about my girlfriend and her friends. So, why don't you just tell us who was with you in the picture so this whole thing can be over, huh?" Alex said, grabbing Taehyung by the collar of his shirt. 

"I'm not going to say anything," Taehyung breathed, anticipating getting punched in the face. He braced for impact. The punch came seconds later. 

Immediately, his face was throbbing and he could feel blood beginning to pour out of his bottom lip. 

"I'm not taking no for answer," Alex said, his eyes angry and dark looking. Taehyung wasn't the type to fight back, not in this situation. He wanted to be the bigger person, even while getting beat up like this. 

"It's nobody's business who was with me that night. If you want to know so bad, just wait for the person who took the picture to reveal it. I'm not going to do it for you," Taehyung spit on the ground, mostly blood coming out. 

Alex didn't hesitate before hitting Taehyung again, so hard that he ended up on the ground. Everyone gathered around was laughing, and cheering Alex on. 

For the first time in a very long time, Taehyung was at a loss on how to get out of the situation. He felt hopeless because no matter how hard he tried to talk Alex down, it wasn't going to work. But, there was also no way he was going to give everyone what they wanted and tell the truth. He'd rather get hurt than rat you out like that, even if he didn't agree with your mindset on the whole issue. He'd never hurt you like that. 

"Last chance," Alex taunted him and Taehyung remained silent. He looked up, and in the crowd of people surrounding him, someone was pushing toward the front. 

His eyes caught yours and he watched as you started to open your mouth, to speak. He slowly shook his head "no."

He was silently telling you to not come clean just for him. If you were going, to tell the truth, it needed to be a decision you made of your own accord; not because you were trying to save him. You needed to learn how to care for yourself, how to love yourself. 

He wasn't going to let you do this for him. 

He watched as your face contorted with pain, but you slowly backed away, your eyes full of regret. 

"What is going on here?!"

It was a teacher that Taehyung didn't know, but that teacher had just become his savior. Everybody scrambled, leaving Taehyung bleeding on the ground. 

"Are you okay?" the teacher asked, trying to help Taehyung get up. "Come on, let's get you to the nurse's office."

/////

~YOUR POV~

"I'll be right back," you said after the bell had rung for class to begin. 

"Where are you going?" Sage asked. 

"Just to the bathroom," you shrugged, lying once again. 

"Okay, I'll cover for you with Mr. Lankford," Sage nodded and you flashed a fake grateful smile before leaving the classroom. 

you: where are you?

taehyung: nurse's office. just got here.

you: is anyone else in there?"

taehyung: just the nurse. 

You quickly went to the nurse's office, peering around every corner before you turned, making sure none of your classmates were in the halls. 

"Taehyung," you said as you pushed open the door. The nurse was trying to help him dry up all the blood on his face. 

"I can do it," he insisted. 

"I'm trying to make sure you don't need stitches, stop being so stubborn," the nurse said, before catching sight of you. 

"Y/N," Taehyung said. 

"Oh, can I help you with something?" she asked you. 

"Um, no, I was just here to check on, um, to check on Taehyung."

The phone in her office started ringing then, and she handed Taehyung a bandage, "Here."

"Taehyung," you went over to him as she left the room and went into her office. "I'm so sorry, I was going to stop it, but then you-"

"I didn't want you to stop it," he shook his head. He looked horrible. His face looked swollen, he was bleeding, his lip was split, and it looked like a black eye was starting to form. You felt tears starting to well up in your eyes. You couldn't help but feel like this was your fault. 

"Taehyung, I'm so sorry," your voice was a whisper. 

"You don't need to be."

"I should've done something-"

"Stop." He stood up and walked over to you. He leaned down, whispering in your ear, "I don't need you to save me. Worry about yourself."


	13. the breaking point

~Your POV~

Later that day, you were sitting with Taehyung for tea time. As per usual, he was on the edge of his bed, you were in his office chair. Except for tonight, the atmosphere felt different. Taehyung's face was swollen and bruised but fortunately now clear of blood. His attitude seemed off, different somehow. He didn't seem like he was mad, but something was off with him. You chalked it up to him having a horrible day...But it was the first time you saw anything ever get to him.

Neither of you had really said anything since you sat down. You were both just quietly drinking your tea, and you wondered what he was thinking.

It was another five minutes before he spoke up.

"About today..." he started slowly.

"Taehyung, you do realize how sorry I am, right?"

"Shh, let me talk. There are just some things I need to say."

You were silent as he asked of you, even though you really wanted to keep apologizing.

"I have to be honest, Y/N..."

You nodded.

"There's a small part of me that's disappointed in you. I realize that I'm the one that told you not to stop what happened, but there's a part of me that's bothered by the fact you left so easily. I know you feel bad because you keep apologizing, but it made me start wondering...How far would you really go to protect your reputation?"

"Taehyung, I..."

He got up from the edge of the bed, setting his mug down on the desk before grabbing your hand, pulling you and making you stand up as well.

"What am I to you?" his voice had an edge to it that you'd never heard before. He was still holding your hand.

"W-What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean. What am I to you?"

"Why are you bringing this up all of the sudden?"

"Do I matter to you at all? Did the sight of me bleeding on the floor not hurt you at all?"

You were silent, but he kept pushing you.

"Tell me, if I moved out tomorrow what would you do? How would you feel?"

"Taehyung-"

"If I hadn't have held you that day while you were crying, who would you have turned to?"

"Tae-"

"Why, after everything I've done for you, why can't you stop caring about what other people think and start caring for me instead?!"

He yelled then, and you were shocked. He'd never rose his voice at you, never was overly harsh, and never got angry. But now...Now he was serious.

"I can't understand you, Y/N, I just can't." He dropped your hand then, turning around for a moment.

"Taehyung, wait," you reached out, grabbing his wrist to stop him from walking any further. He remained not facing you, but he stopped moving.

"I-I don't know why I'm like this. I don't know why I care so much...I wish I didn't. But, you have it all wrong. I do care about you."

"That's not enough," he whispered, pulling away from your grasp.

You felt tears starting to well up in your eyes then, as you felt everything you'd built with him was slipping away...All that trust, all of those shared feelings.

"I don't understand," you shook your head as he turned back toward you, tears starting to spill over out of your eyes. "Why are you so upset?"

"You really want to know why I'm so bothered right now?" His voice was low and angry sounding.

You nodded your head because you knew that if you spoke your voice would break.

"I'm angry because I love you, and you're so blind you can't even see it."

"Taehyung-"

"Whatever, you don't have to say anything. I know this is one sided and I'm realizing now that I can't fix you, no matter how much I care, no matter how bad I want to. I can't make you love yourself."

"But...But I love you, too."

"You...You what?"

"I love you, too," you attempted to wipe your tears away, "I know I've been frustrating and I care too much about what other people think and I've neglected you and I've used you, but Taehyung, I really love you too."

"Do you really mean it?" he whispered.

"I do."

He took a step closer, hands on your face, wiping away your tears. "Stop crying."

"I can't help it," you muttered, your eyes not leaving his.

"I'm sorry I got so upset," he murmured, "I was just doing a lot of...feeling. You make me feel a lot of things."

"It's only fair that you were upset with me," you reassured him quietly.

"I..." he trailed off.

"What is it?" you encouraged him.

"I wanna kiss you."

You kept looking into his eyes, not hesitating.

"Then kiss me."

So he did.

His kiss was calm and gentle, and he was still acting like he was afraid of scaring you away like you would take back everything you had confessed. His lips were surprisingly soft, despite his wounds from earlier.

When his lips left yours, he wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace, pulling you against him.

"I love you," he said again, calm and sweet this time. It was no longer coming from a place of frustration and maybe even fear but of comfort and confidence.

"I love you, too." You said.

And you meant it. 

Things weren't perfect, and there was still plenty for you and Taehyung to resolve. There was still the picture and the culprit to deal with. There was still the fact that you didn't love yourself like you loved him. But, for a few moments, you felt you could set those things aside. For just a few moments, you were with him.


	14. mind over matter

Four weeks passed.

Things changed in some ways, but in other ways, they remained the same.

They stayed the same in that you both still had tea time almost every night, and that you still didn't like yourself.

However, your relationship with Taehyung shifted slightly in the sense that was a bit less platonic and more romantic. He wasn't silent about his feelings for you, and he often would remind you that he loved you and that he was always going to be there for you. You liked the way he made you feel about yourself, even though you were still struggling with caring about what other people thought of you.

No new information about the pictures got released. The only thing you could figure was that the culprit either felt bad about the situation or got bored of it, letting the entire scandal drop. There was still some light chatter around school about it, but it didn't feel like your friends were too suspicious anymore. For that, you felt great relief.

And even though Taehyung's wounds had healed, you still felt about him getting beat up on your behalf. You two had talked about it some more, but he insisted that you should let it go and that he wasn't angry about it.

So now, you were sitting in the living room with Taehyung after school on a Tuesday; homecoming week. The football game and dance were this coming Friday, and you were feeling disappointed about not being able to go with Taehyung. You figured he wouldn't want to, and you also still didn't feel ready to come clean about your relationship with him.

It wasn't that you were ashamed of him, but more of yourself for hiding everything this whole time, for lying so much, and for treating him so poorly by refusing to be around him in public. You'd done some pretty harsh things, and you weren't proud of it. You weren't ready to face it.

You two were mindlessly watching TV when he spoke up.

"I have something to tell you," he started uneasily, and immediately you felt dread come over you.

You turned to look at him, taking your eyes off the television. "What is it?"

"I talked to my mom on the phone last night," he started and then hesitated.

"And?"

"Well, you know how she wasn't supposed to come back from her trip abroad until next month?"

"Yeah."

"She told me on the phone last night that she's taken care of everything...And she's coming back next week."

You felt your heart sink.

"So, I'll be leaving next Wednesday," he said, and it felt so final. 

You let out a sigh you'd been holding in, "I guess we knew this day was going to come. That doesn't make it any easier."

You bit your lip, trying to will yourself into not crying. You'd gone almost a whole month without crying; you hadn't cried since that night he confessed. You'd been feeling okay lately, happy almost. Because of him. But now...

"You're right," he sighed too, "It doesn't make it any easier."

You looked down, picking at a loose thread on the sleeve of your sweater. 

"At least you won't have to pretend to not know me anymore," he chuckled. 

"Taehyung, don't say things like that. You know I've been struggling with that. And I'm so sorry because none of this was your fault. I feel like all I did was make your life harder," the tears spilled over then and you silently cursed yourself. You had told yourself that you wouldn't cry. 

"Don't start panicking," he murmured, scooting closer to you so he could put an arm around your shoulders. "You'll be just fine."

"I'm just...I'm just lost and I don't know why."

"Talk to me. What do you mean?"

"This whole thing with you...It's the strangest thing because it's brought me so much stress and so much joy. You've challenged me, Taehyung, in every way possible. You've challenged my thoughts, my beliefs, my feelings, and everything I thought I understood about how I should view others and myself. You have broken me down and built me up in the hardest yet best way possible because you did it out of care and love. And I'm ashamed of myself for everything I've done; all the lying, and deceiving, and for denying you. Yet, you still care. You still love. I don't understand it and I don't understand you. 

You've become this weird mixture of comfort and of anxiety for me. You're trying to teach me to love myself which convicts me and causes anxiety. But yet you're also trying to be gentle and show me how to care for myself which causes comfort. You're a paradox to me, Taehyung. I can't figure it out. I can't decide what to do. I don't know why I can't overcome my own ego and just trust what you're telling me. I don't know why I can't just love myself as you love me. I don't know why I can't stop caring so much about people who are so bad for me and my mental health...You've made me question everything. And I love you. This whole thing is just...messy."

He was silent throughout your entire rant, letting you get everything out without interruption. Only when you were finished did he speak. 

"I understand why you're feeling conflicted, I really do. But I want to challenge you even more. Think deeply about this. I'm going to give you one last opportunity to tell everyone the truth. I'm not going to love you any less, no matter what you decide. I'm not going to disown you, or be mad, or forget you. I can't force you to love yourself, but I want to help you try. This decision I'm giving you is one that you need to make for yourself, not for me, or anyone else, okay?"

You nodded, anticipating his words, feeling worry and confusion and intrigue all at the same time. 

"I'm going to the homecoming dance on Friday. I bought a suit and some flowers. I'll show up at 8. You can meet me there, and let everyone see. You can dance with me, laugh with me, kiss me...Or, you can stay home, and once I leave, nobody will care about that picture anymore. They'll probably never find out it was you, and you can move on, keeping your friends and your reputation. I'm not asking you to choose between me and them, that's not what this is. I'm just giving you a choice. Now, it's up to you to make it."


	15. love yourself

~Taehyung's POV~

He woke that morning feeling fear. He hadn't felt fear like that in a long time. This was a different kind of fear, a deeper kind.

It was Friday, the day of the homecoming dance, and he had no idea what the fate of the night would be.

After he gave you the choice, you simply nodded, not saying anything at all. Because of this, he had no idea which way you were leaning. He hoped that after everything, you would choose wisely, that you would choose correctly.

He longed to see you walk into the school gymnasium that would be decorated extravagantly. He longed to see you walk toward him. He longed to open his arms toward you, to take you in them, to hold you, to kiss you, to be proud of you. He longed to do all those things, but he had a heavy feeling that you wouldn't show. That even after everything, you wouldn't be able to set aside your fear and come clean to everyone that you loved him, that you both loved each other.

He felt tired throughout the school day because his mind was bogged down, and you left early so he didn't even get to see you before school. And obviously, he couldn't talk to you at school. He just felt nervous.

When he got home, he went to his room, getting his homework done quickly so he would have plenty of time to get ready for the dance.

It felt like you were avoiding him as he hadn't seen you all day. And maybe you were. He still felt nervous.

/////

He straightened his tie as he looked in the mirror, then quickly ran his hands through his hair. He had left it natural, no crazy gel or anything like that. He knew that if you showed up, you would prefer to see him looking like himself...except in a suit.

He had left the flowers outside of your room after school. The door was already shut and he didn't want to knock on it. He was trying to give you space.

And he left the house at 7:45 so he'd be at the school promptly at 8 like he said he would. Your car was still in the driveway when he left though, and he felt a sinking feeling in his chest.

At 8, he walked onto the dance floor. It was some type of pumped up song and everyone was dancing, not paying attention to him. He stood on the edge, eyes scanning through the crowd for any sign of you.

Please, please show up. Please make the right choice. Please, don't let all of this be for nothing. Please don't make me sad. Please do this for yourself. Please learn your lesson.

He waited.

The song changed.

He waited.

The song changed again.

He kept waiting.

He checked his watch. It was 8:20.

He waited.

The song changed for the seventh time.

He waited.

The song changed to a slow one, and the crowd started to space out. People were giving him looks now that they were noticing him. He stood there, lots of eyes on him, and he waited for you. He was starting to give up hope. He was starting to feel panic. And all the eyes on him were actually starting to bother him. He could feel the sadness start to overcome his mind, he could feel the weight of disappointment at the realization that if you were going to show, you would've already been there.

The song progressed, and couples were dancing everywhere around him.

He felt lonely.

He was on the brink of giving up, of walking out of the gym and going home. He could feel the lump starting to form in his throat as he forced back tears, surprising himself at how emotional your absence was making him. Deep down, he knew you wouldn't come. But, he still had hope. He still had hope that maybe for once you'd be brave.

People were still looking at him, and he took a deep breath, beginning to walk when his arm was caught by somebody else. He expected it to be Alex again or maybe one of Alex's friends, prepared to cause a scene at the homecoming dance and beat him up.

He braced for impact, but then realized the hands that were touching him were soft. And gentle.

"Taehyung."

He turned, and was faced with you, dressed up and looking beautiful. You had tears brimming in your eyes just like him, and he could already hear the people around you both starting to talk, to stare, to point.

But, you were ignoring it all. You had brought your hands to either side of his face, smiling through your tears.

"You're here," he said, his voice low as he tried to keep it from breaking.

"I'm here," you nodded, and as everyone around you and him watched, you kissed him. And you kissed him like you meant it. Because he knew you did.

He found himself utterly and completely lost in you, his mind going blank. He felt all of that disappointment, all of that sadness just leave him. All he felt know was pride for you, love for you, and admiration for you.

When you broke the kiss, he leaned his forehead against yours, both of you trying to catch your breath.

"I love you so much," he said, and he didn't care who heard it, "And I'm so proud of you."

"I love you too," you pulled him into a hug, wrapping your arms and him and holding him tightly. He did the same to you. "Thank you for showing me I have reasons that I should love myself .

"Dance with me?" he whispered in your ear, and you nodded.

You moved your hands to his shoulders, and he kept his arms around your waist, beginning to move slowly to the music.


	16. life itself

Y/N,

By the time you're reading this, I'll have moved out of your house and have already gone back home, a few thousand miles away.   
There's something about writing out the truth and my feelings that makes the process feel somehow easier. These are all the things I just couldn't say to you in person, and things I couldn't tell you until you came to your own conclusion to step into the light and love yourself.   
But, now that you've taken that step for yourself, I feel that you're ready to hear the truth. And I'm already sorry that if this truth isn't what you wanted, but I feel like you need to hear it.

The truth is, Y/N, I'm the one that arranged for the photo of us to be taken.

I'm the one that instructed the photographer to blur out your face, and to slowly release clues; intended to give you time to come clean on your own.

I did this to you not to harm you but to help you learn that your world wouldn't end just because you hung out with someone that wasn't as popular. I wanted you to learn that life itself is not about reputation or what others think of you.

But, as we spent more time together I realized that me outing you that way wasn't going to help you as much as I thought it would.

I left that note on the back of the picture you found in your locker because I thought that maybe I should back off and give you an out of the situation. But I got cold feet of confessing it was me the whole time when you mentioned the note and the meet up to me, so that's why I told you to not go.

The photographer forgot about not releasing a clue after I told him to hang back, so that's why only one got released. I was just as panicked as you were, but I did my best not to show it.

Then, I made sure the whole thing died so you could make the decision on your own to come clean.

I'm sorry if this hurts you, and I understand if it does. Just know I didn't do it out of malice, but more so out of wanting to wake you up to reality. I shouldn't have tried to go about it that way, and I understand the stress it caused you.

I'm so sorry.

But, it doesn't matter anyway. I'm gone now, and you've finally come to the realization that you are a person that deserves to be loved not only by other people but by yourself.

I already miss you more than you know. And I love you.

Don't panic.

You can breathe without me.

x

Tae


End file.
